How are you getting along with your in-laws? Would you like to improve the relationship? Whether it is an issue with your daughter/son in-law or mother/father in-law, it is helpful for everyone concerned, including the children, to be able to feel good about each other and communicate constructively.

As a Marriage, Family Therapist, men and women often told me about the problems and hurt feelings they were having with their in-laws. Often, the unresolved issues also had a negative effect on their partnership or marriage.

One way I helped them was to offer them ways to improve their interactions. The following communication guidelines can assist you to have a better relationship with your in-laws. Put a check next to the statements that you want to express to them.

A) To My Mother/Father In-law

Please....

1. Understand that we both love and want the best for your son/daughter.

2. Open your heart to me and welcome me into the family.

3. Allow me to also love you.

4. Respect and accept me for who I am.

5. Appreciate all that I do.

6. See the ways I balance your son/daughter.

7. Speak directly to me if you have a problem and help me seek a win-win solution.

8. Help me encourage your son/daughter to be his/her unique, adult self.

9. Have our happiness in mind with all your words and actions.

10. Remember what you wanted from your in-laws and offer us the same.

11. Thank you for hearing me, and for parenting such a wonderful person.

12. I love you!

B) To My Daughter/Son In-law

Please....

1. Understand that I want to be close to you and my son/daughter.

2. Open your heart to me and let me welcome you into the family.

3. Be kind and patient with me.

4. Respect and accept me for who I am.

5. Appreciate all that I do.

6. Be open to my suggestions and then feel free to do what you want.

7. Speak directly to me if you have a problem and help me seek a win-win solution.

8. Help me encourage my son/daughter to be his/her unique, adult self.

9. Tell me in a loving way if you feel I am interfering.

10. Remember I love you both and I want you to be happy and healthy.

11. Thank you for hearing me, and being kind and loving to my son/daughter.

12. I love you!

Now that you are more aware of what you want to say to your in-laws, you may want to schedule a time when you can communicate in a loving voice.

Be patient, forgiving, and persevering. Also, focus in on what you can do differently to improve the relationship. Do your best to create a wonderful, loving family. You deserve it!