For most people, a breakup is one of the worst times in their lives (barring death in the family or serious illness), but in all honesty it doesn't need to be. Sitting on the couch in a slump of depression is NOT the way to handle it, and if you give yourself a little slap to wake up you can have a real shot at getting your ex back.

The first thing you need to do to start on the road to getting your ex back is change your mind. You probably do it every day, so that's not the hardest thing in the world to do. Change the way you think about this breakup, and change the way you think about your entire situation! Breaking up with someone you love leaves a scar on your heart that can affect your life in a lot of negative ways, but if you look at the world the right way you can actually make that heartbreak benefit you and the one you love both!

Sitting around blaming your ex for all your troubles or repeatedly calling yourself an idiot isn't going to get you any further than your sofa. It's self-destructive, and it'll let your ex slip further and further away while you settle into a pattern of bad behavior that'll be incredibly difficult to break away from. The difference is made when you decide to step up to the plate and turn your life around. All it takes is the conscious decision that you are going to put your all into it, and your chances increase dramatically.

Nothing can fuel a change like something bad that needs to be made good. Destitute peasants have led revolutions to overthrow the most powerful people of their countries for that reason...I'm pretty sure you can find the self-empowerment from this experience to kick yourself into high gear and really get motivated to change your own situation. Use your hurt and anger and convert it into determination to solve your problems.

Take a frown and turn it upside down. Take this separation as a lesson to be learned (or in some cases quite a few lessons). Congratulations, you are officially an expert on what DOESN'T work for keeping a relationship from going south. Use that knowledge. Analyze your relationship, and figure out just what it was that ended up torpedoing the bond between you and your ex.

When you've come up with a list of about 20-50 things you could improve on (I'm sure your ex could find that many), it's time to get busy correcting your problems. I can't help you solve every single problem, only you can do this...all I can say is that you need to dedicate yourself to this, and really work to make things work. If you try to go back to your ex as the same person who got dumped, you're just going to have your heart broken again, and probably mess up any chances you may have had.

After you've identified and fixed the major problems that fouled up your relationship, it's time to start trying to get your ex back. Your first contact should be light and generally non-aggressive, a phone call or email seeing how things are going is a pretty common start. The important thing to remember when building your relationship back up is not rushing things and frightening your ex off...you need to feel out your ex's feelings on the two of you and pace yourself accordingly.

Your ex isn't your enemy...unless you have a movie-case of "Evil Ex of Doom"...but I doubt that's the case if you're reading this particular article. Really, your ex probably still loves you and wishes you could be together, but is overwhelmed by the problems that flew around while you were together. If you can fix the problems or show your ex that you are fixing them, there's a pretty healthy chance that things can pick back up and go relatively smoothly. There's always an exception, but you have a good shot at happiness if you just work to get it, so get motivated!