Every so often, a person comes along that simply is hard to put in a particular category. The comedian Steven Wright is certain one such person. He is utterly original, but one has to wonder where the observations come from.

If you are not familiar with Steven Wright, it is hard to know where to start. He has a huge head of frilly hair but is going bald on top. He speaks in a monotone voice, but has perfect delivery. Here are some of his choice sayings.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it...it feels real."

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)...and says, "Here, you can go."

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious!

OK, so what's the speed of dark?