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The choice between accepting the change or to keep throwing tantrums at it, decides how you fare in life, in the aftermath of your divorce. There are two sides to this coin of change, the good and the not-so-good.
Let us see the not-so-good side of it, first.
- However ebullient you may be, despite the divorce, the loneliness of your living space and mental thoughts, sometimes, do hit home, slightly hard. However devilish your partner may have been, there are those rare shared stolen moments of joy, which keep cropping up, now and then.
- Even the most hardhearted of partners do need a pillar to lean on, in their moments of doubt or unsteadiness. When this pillar or the voice of reasoning is no longer around, the change can make you want to withdraw into your own protective shell and abhor any interaction with the rest of the world.
- Two pairs of hands or two heads are better than one. So is the case with incomes and assets. Most of the time, marital splits also tend to split up the household income and the assets (on few occasions, it is the monetary resources like incomes, savings and assets that cause the divorce!). High incomes necessarily do not guarantee a comfortable existence in the modern world because of the runaway prices and the crass commercialization in every facet of life.
- Splitting the property is a most unwelcome change, as a consequence of the divorce, because you gain your personal freedom at the cost of your financial comfort! Balancing your finances, post–divorce appears to be more daunting than balancing your marriage.
- You could not get along with your spouse, but what about the child(ren)? Staying at home and lovingly watching the child grow, merrily witnessing the child's antics, coming home to the unalloyed affection bestowed on you, the fun and frolic of their playful ways -- the absence of all these leaves a deep unspeakable ache. Their questioning look about the missing parent is hard to explain or answer.
- Your attachment to your child(ren) can leave a bleeding void in your heart. Your child(ren) can change overnight.
For those of you, who fall in the above mentioned category, it is a time of constant introspection, for the sense of loss. Handholding hastens the healing.
Now for the better side of this coin, known as ‘change’:
- Why do most people seek or initiate divorce at a great expense of time and money? Well, a predominant answer for this, it seems, is the promise of a newfound personal freedom that is yours for the keeping. No intrusions from a spouse! In those cases of divorce, where the personal liberty of the harassed spouse has suffered much, at the hands of the tormentor, this change wrought by welcome divorce, is a much-needed release into the joy of freedom.
- Then, there are also many cases of divorce where either spouse or both are fed up of the tedium caused by the novelty of their marriage wearing thin. In such cases, usually, either partner feels cramped by the proximity of actions, thought and presence of the other. They just want to get out of this perceptibly stifling relationship.
- For some, it was an escape from an unattractive partner (physically and mentally) and provided the learning experience, to renew again their search for the perfect partner or a good relationship this time around, though a little bit wary and wiser.
For those of you who fit this description, it’s time to move on to newer pastures.
Life could change for the better or for the worse, after your divorce. Divorce is not the means to achieve licentiousness under the garb of personal freedom. Neither is divorce the scriptwriter of further sorrowful sequences in your life.
Divorce gives you an opening to rekindle the pursuit of those long-cherished desires. A burning ambition, an interesting hobby etc. provide the much needed positive impetus to the changes you undergo, after a divorce. You can learn to embrace life by surfing the waves of change or you could sulk in a forgotten corner and watch the world go by. You decide. |
