They say life tends to balance out, but some days can really seem to take the wind out of your sails. If you find yourself stressed out or taking life way to seriously, a good laugh can make all the difference so read on my friend.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla. - Mitch Ratcliffe

For the man who has everything... Penicillin. - F. Borquin

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell. - Garry Shandling

If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it. - Anonymous

Only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. - Lyndon B. Johnson

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. - Douglas Adams

Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything. - Paris Hilton

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation. - Rush Limbaugh

Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. - Homer J. Simpson

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. - Groucho Marx

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. - Demetri Martin

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. - Rodney Dangerfield

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it? - Albert Einstein

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes we want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen