They say life tends to balance out, but some days can really seem to take the wind out of your sails. If you find yourself stressed out or taking life way to seriously, a good laugh can make all the difference so read on my friend.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. - George Carlin

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. - Matt Lauer

Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson

If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it. - Anonymous

Only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. - Lyndon B. Johnson

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. - John Kenneth Galbraith

A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah. - Ronald Reagan

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation. - Rush Limbaugh

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. - Dan Quayle

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. - Groucho Marx

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea. - Jon Stewart

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it? - Albert Einstein

There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them. - Terry Pratchett

Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings. - George Will