Winning back your ex isn't going to be easy...it's going to take a lot of will, determination, and willingness to change yourself. It's not going to be as simple as striking up a relationship with somebody you've only recently met somewhere...you're dealing with somebody who knows you intimately, and has probably dealt with all your "tricks" before. Obviously, this makes it really quite challenging. If it's worth it to you, go for it, but don't fool yourself into thinking that it's going to be a walk in the park.

If a relationship ends, that's a pretty clear-cut sign that something wasn't quite right...if you want to resurrect what the two of you once had, you're going to have to make some pretty heavy changes and sacrifices. It's not going to be as simple as just buying her some flowers or wearing his favorite outfit...you're going to have to do some restructuring with who you are.

After a breakup, make sure you don't immediately swamp your ex with calls and "I'm sorry" teddy bears. Chances are good your ex doesn't want to talk to you right now, and you'll only drive him or her further away if you press the issue. Give the person some space, a little time to sort out his or her feelings about things. Once it seems like there's been enough of a recovery period, you can re-establish contact...lightly.

The first contact isn't about your relationship, or what you did wrong or what is needed to get back together...it's just a chance to say hello, see how things are going for him or her. There'll be plenty of time to work on the relationship later, right now the best thing to do is be a friend.

If you play your cards right and just be a friend to the person, it probably won't be long before you're spending a little bit of time together again. When it gets to this point, you're going to have to take different things into consideration depending on which half of the boyfriend/girlfriend situation you are.

To the girls: try to cut back on the emotional stuff, unless your distance and unavailability was the chief problem in the original relationship...but that's not usually the case, so generally you'll want to relax a little bit, and try not to swamp him with mushy talk or awkward "romance" situations. That could get intimidating, and scaring him away is not what you're after. You want to do things with him that the two of you always loved doing together, and it should help him to remember all the great things about your time together. Don't press the romance angle, just be a good friend to him, and let him see that you've been working on the things that made him want to leave.

For the guys, the most important thing is to listen to her and make it clear that you can be emotionally supportive of her. This doesn't mean for you to be all sappy and hanging on her, it means that you can be the person she needs. Women are emotional creatures, it's just how they're wired...if she can't get what she needs emotionally from a relationship with you, you can't expect her to want to be with you. You need to be the guy she fell in love with...and you too should make it visible that your relationship-breaking flaws have been worked on.

It really comes down to one simple fact: there are two people in any relationship...two people who need certain things from the other. If those things aren't met, the relationship is probably going to end up crumbling and causing a lot of heartache. It's your job to meet the needs of your partner, and help keep the relationship healthy. You are responsible for your partner's happiness, just as your partner is responsible for yours. If you make yourself be the person who can make him or her happy, the person will see that, and your relationship should flourish and the two of you should be some of the happiest people on the planet.