Are you single and looking for a partner? Have you had bad relationships in the past? Are you worried you might never find the right person? If so, you are certainly not the only one. In the UK these days, more and more people are living alone, or as single parents, or with their parents or friends. The number of people who go through multiple divorces is also rising.

Contrary to what the statistics indicate, however, it is still perfectly possible to have a happy, lasting marriage. It's all a question of approaching it in the right way. If you have been unlucky in love, don't fall into the trap of thinking there is something wrong with you, because there isn't. You simply need to adjust your perspective.

You need to begin by loving yourself. It can be irritating to hear that you've got to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you, but it is true. If you're looking for a partner to give you validation and confidence, this will have one of two unfortunate results. Either your neediness and negativity will put off potential partners or, if you do hook up with someone, your relationship will be built on quicksand. If you believe you are worthless, you invite other people to think the same.

The other drawback to feeling you "need someone" is that you will put too much pressure on the relationship and on the other person to give you what you need. A healthy relationship is one in which each party is whole in him or herself, not with gaps that the other is meant to fill. If you feel there are gaps in you, you are probably right - but that does NOT mean there is anything wrong with you. It means you have some unresolved issues from your past (as 99.99% of people on earth have) and you will find a happier relationship if you address these issues first, with the help of a counsellor or psychotherapist.

There is no shame in getting some help. In fact, it's crazy not to, when there is so much invaluable help available to us these days. If you were suffering from some physical ailment, you would go to the doctor. Why, then, do we feel we must ignore or repress our emotional pain? A therapist will give you not only the self-esteem you crave but also insight into how to avoid another destructive relationship.

Once you have dispelled your inaccurate image of yourself as a loser and realised what a winner you really are, turn your attention to your lifestyle. Do you enjoy your job, while not defining yourself by it? Do you live in a place you love? Have you got absorbing hobbies and interesting, supportive friends? If your life isn't as good as it should be, change it! You can do it - and it's important because if you're looking to your partner to provide stimulation and fun, your relationship will be unbalanced.

Now, the next question is, when you're feeling positive and confident and ready for a partner, how do you set about finding one? There are several possibilities, including joining a dating agency, asking your friends to do a bit of matchmaking, putting an ad in the newspaper

Joining a dating agency gives you the advantage of fast access to large numbers of available people in your area. The problem is that you are under the spotlight and there is a lot of pressure, both on you and on the people whose profiles you're reading, to be what somebody else wants. The same applies, to a greater or lesser extent, to anything you do to search for a partner.

The most productive way to meet someone with whom you could go on to have a happy marriage is to let it happen by chance. Make sure you are always coming into contact with new people but forget about finding a partner. Instead of joining a dating agency, join a club, take a course, do some voluntary work. Concentrate on your job, your hobbies, your friends and on having fun.

Finally, it is a myth that we each have one "soul mate" out there. Actually, there are many different people who could be an excellent partner for you. Whoever it is doesn't have to be perfect - and neither do you. If you are both committed to the relationship, you can make it work. So, now, stop worrying and start living. The right person will find you more easily if you stop looking.