Did you recently make resolutions for the New Year?

- I'm really going to start an exercise program - I'm going to lose those extra pounds - No more bad habits! - I won't be so sensitive - I'll save more money

We've all been there. And we've all faced March 23rd rolling around and feeling like a failure because some of those goals haven't crossed our mind since December 31st.

For most people, setting goals for the New Year is a regular part of life. Chronic pain sufferers, however, can find resolutions can be exasperating and nerve-racking. Our bodies and health, therefore our lives, are beyond our control the majority of the time. The idea of walking just a few blocks a day may seem reasonable at first, but the smallest change in our illness may quickly prevent us from even walking to the mailbox. Suddenly even the simplest of goals are out of the question.

The rationale behind why we don't meet our goals is very reasonable.

--> I'm going to exercise more . . . And then I have surgery and my illness is exasperated. Even my doctor said to take it easy and not overdo right now.

--> I'm going to get rid of those extra pounds . . . It seems every chronic pain medication I get has a list of side effects that say, "May cause weight gain." May? They all do!

--> I'm going to save some money . . . But then on top of my illness I got cancer. Along with tests and labs, it's setting me back thousands of dollars I don't even have to begin with.

So what is the answer?

First of all, congratulate yourself if you ignored that calendar that flashed "January" beckoning you to set resolutions. January is be a time to recover from the holidays, the travel, or the family that may have visited. There is no universal rule that says all goals must begin in January. You're likely exhausted. December is often a time to finish up as many medical visits as possible before the new year's health insurance deductibles set in. The weather conditions can leave you home-bound for weeks. And if you've survived it all without getting the flu, a cold, or infection, you're one of few. Could there be a worse time to make major modifications in our life?

Secondly, make some simple changes in your life that you resist calling "resolutions." Instead of vowing to walk a half a mile each day, consider taking a walk and spending the time praying, appreciating the birds and flowers, or getting to know some of your neighbors. When you choose your snacks, reach for the high fiber, low calorie chips, and resist the temptation to grab the party-size bag of sour cream and onion.

Thirdly, make a list of some of the things you value and want to strive for. Don't just say you are going to "save some money" but instead, think about what you really want to save it for. Have you longed to visit a relative but you've not been able to afford an airline ticket to go visit? Though saving money to repair your car may not seem like a fun use of that saved money, surely you value your freedom to have your own transportation. Put your list on the refrigerator or your bathroom mirror so you can frequently recall just why it is you are sacrificing those large white chocolate mochas.

Fourthly, team up with a friend who is also ill, to encourage one another in your practical goals. Stress and illness is not a good combination and any change in our life (good or bad) dramatically intensifies the strain. It's not helpful to have a healthy friend say, "Well, maybe if you cut back on your calories more it would help. I noticed you had two bowls of soup at lunch today." (Did she even notice that you completely resisted the temptation of the basket of bread? And it had free refills!) Symptoms of illness are very unpredictable and a friend who understands what you are experiencing is an amazing gift. You will be able to keep a better perspective on your goals when a true friend says, "It's so depressing when you lose the weight and then the medications make you blow back up overnight. But hang in there. It won't last forever."

Fifth, give yourself a break. Depression and chronic pain go together way too often. When you make a decision that is less than ideal, don't sweat it! Don't think of it as a failure, but rather just a less than perfect choice you made for that moment. You will have another sixty-something times in the next month to make the correct decision. Start out by just aiming for making the correct one more than half the time. Skipping that shopping spree or avoiding the drive-thru burger place is a step in the right direction.

Lastly, set goals that are fun too! Stress and illness is draining and not everything in our lives needs to be fixed. There is no better chronic pain relief than adding more joy to your life. Call people you've met in the past that you admire and ask them if they would have breakfast with you. Go to the movies each month. And when you meet a step towards your goal, such as cleaning out the closet to become more organized, reward yourself. Go buy a chic new hat that brings out the diva side of you that you've been hiding. Living with chronic pain means forcing yourself being silly sometimes.

By having levelheaded expectations about your goals in addition to some compassionate friends, you'll likely discover that you are one of the few people who have reached a few of those New Year's goals. And regardless of how many aspirations you didn't reach, you will definitely have discovered how to live with more joy. You will feel less guilt about what you've not been able to do and instead, appreciate all that you are able to accomplish.